The real damage is done by those millions who want to “survive.” The honest men who just want to be left in peace. Those who don’t want their little lives disturbed by anything bigger than themselves. Those with no sides and no causes. Those who won’t take measure of their own strength, for fear of antagonizing their own weakness. Those who don’t like to make waves—or enemies. Those for whom freedom, honor, truth, and principles are only literature. Those who live small, mate small, die small. It’s the reductionist approach to life: If you keep it small, you’ll keep it under control. If you don’t make any noise, the bogeyman won’t find you. But it’s all an illusion, because they die too, those people who roll up their spirits into tiny little balls so as to be safe. Safe?! From what? Life is always on the edge of death; narrow streets lead to the same place as wide avenues, and a little candle burns itself out just like a flaming torch does. I choose my own way to burn. – Sophie Scholl

Not that there’s anything wrong with being called to be the small one, but quotes like this stir my heart.  What’s next for us?

So I just posted this after who knows how long of not posting, went to church, and immediately felt rocked…  The quote still rings true, but the sermon has re-oriented the way I think about it.  It’s really difficult to sum up all the things I’m thinking, but suffice to say that I realized that I’m still a jumble of mixed motivations and unfulfilled desire.

One of the most challenging things that M said was that the reward for following Jesus is Jesus.  The reward for being generous in his name is getting more of his character of generosity.  You get the picture.

See, deep down in the places I don’t like to admit, I kind of like to think there’s some sort of reward for righteousness.  “…there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters…for my  sake and for the gospel…who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time….”

And there is an amazing reward.  It’s just that we’re not always prepared to recognize Jesus as the amazing reward that he is.

I have much to think and pray about.  I’m so grateful that I have T as a partner in all of this.